bringing about the inevitable

March 2, 2008 - One Response

has conforming to the rationalisations of my mind confined me and prevented an other wise seemingly inevitable progession? this seems to be a recurring theme in my mind of late. (from the little moments when i lose my guard and am unable to prevent myself from intelligent thought (or so i must asume considering my total lack of thought lately))

life seems to be paused and looks as though it will remain as so for the forseeable future. i think the main concern is my seeming inability to think. i experience servier exhaustion from concentrated thought and feel fatigued at simply thinking and thinking. its a worrying situation to be in. to this i can assign simple physical reason such aslackof sleep, but these i know are just excuses, then one layer behind them are the phschological reasonings but these also are simply exccuses and hold no realy currency… and to delve much further requires that consistency of mind which is elluding me.

so how then can one solve a problem to which one does not know the question? i have only ever known two fundamental ways to answer a question. either from the front or from behind. at first glance these two would realate to rational and intuitive decision making. however both of these principles can be used from a frontal or from behind. so that gives you 4 possible ways to answering a problem.

1 or 1 and half of these can be used on a problem which is unknown. (i think, possibly could be that 3 of the ways would work. needs testing)

also i’ve decied to keep this monolgue free from trivial dealings of what actualy happens in day to day life. initialy i kind of felt like that was somehow expected and almost a nessecity, however such as i find it inconsiquential and drab to recount i will keep this as a literary exercise in understanding myself from the perspective of things i see strongly enough to relate publicly.

so russians are pretty much cool.

February 12, 2008 - 2 Responses

  ekranoplans: zoemg  these are amazing, total win. with these on their side how could they ever lose?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpGacOmSeHc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeUe6aVib08

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uynmApjhWI

main highway.

http://216.69.151.141/blog/wp-content/9.jpg

full of big and empty

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2007/07/abandoned-tunnels.html

http://www.urban-travel.org/kent/index.html

however dispite its total epic win, i feel little to no desire to go there.

but its nice to know theres always one country you can rely on to be the same.

bdo. and all that.

January 21, 2008 - Leave a Response

most of the day was relativly relaxed the only band of worthy note was liam finn who was friggin amazing. we were nearby when he started and expecting him to be be semi average went and had a look. and low and behold here was a man jumping between guitar and drums smileing and singing and yelling and having an amazing time. and more than that he was good, real good. its amazing how just one guy with actual real talent can do so much with music, he understood it and played with it and he was just having fun. so yea really enjoyed him.

and then had a bit of a mosh to get warmed up at some point in the middle, nothing of note untill wwe tired to get into the front D 1:30 before shihad started unforntunatly the gates were allready shut. the next 1:45 was a battle of mind and body, i was about 5 feet away from the door into the gate pit, with most of the crowd behind pushing and crushing us forward. people were fainting all around and being picked up andtrying to crowd surf back, but no one could get their hands up to carry them away so most people ended up just lying on top of the crowd. there were idiots from every angle yelling for people to push and then there were more sensible idiots telling people not to push. and then shihad started and everyones hearts sank alittle as we all wondered if we’d ever get in. and then shihad stoped and told us not to push, nothing changed. finally after spending over and hour and a half in a near dead condition the gates were opened and we streamed into the center D, the cold air in the mosh pit was mightly refreshing… as were the drink i had guarded untill then.

Shihad were amazing like allways, played some epic songs, screwtop was my favorite as all the hardcores went mental. Bjork started real slow and since no one wanted to lose there good spots in the pit i couldn’t even see her, and i could hardly see the guys fighting with lighting (looked so much fun). she pick up the pace towards the end and it sounded kinda cool but you know crazy. Bjork finished and everyone was real excited and screamed for rage, however bjork choose to do an encore, to which everyone booed, which was kinda stink but then its also pretty silly to do an encore before the main show.

so yea rage against the machine. that was fun.

rage ended and with a river of sweat visably running down my t-shirt it was time for some kiwi boogeying. super groove, headed toward the front dancing as i went starting to recover from rage, when my leg gave way to the worst cramp i’v had. which kinda ruined sup0er groove for me as i could now only move my arms..

anyway it all ended well and i was able to walk again. found everybody at our meeting place and all had watermelon.

more.?

January 21, 2008 - Leave a Response

more images on adams flicker http://www.flickr.com/photos/14882637@N02/
back home

road trip

January 21, 2008 - Leave a Response

epicness is the only way to explain how awesome the last 4 days were. i feel as if i’ve been on holiday for a month or two, i’m so totaly refreshed and yet so utterly tired. so what did we get up to? and who was it with?

well obviously my flat mates except grg and sasha since they were allready up north, (but we meet up at bdo of course and grg was with us on the way back and so was mel) matt, nick and erin (from work) and lucy and selina was wiuth us on the way up.

- savemart: first stop was the big clothing warehouse in plamy, the girls had this plan to play mini golf in cocktail dresses and not wanting to miss out we also all bought dresses, i got a nice little red number, was a little tight around the shoulders but i thought i could lose a few pounds befor the game. also we found the grestest hats ever and there where 3 of them, red monkey costume hats :) also also me and luce got big epic black leather boots whcih were reall comfortable. which came in very handy latter on.

- mini golf: we strolled in paid casually asked where the bath room was, got changed and came back in our glorious dresses, to which the lady was somewhat takken aback and found very funny. the game is self was pretty cool had moving parts and stuff but i didn’t win so i wont talk about much, but we were a great specticle and everyone in there cars stopped and had a good look, including one little boy that hurled abuse at us, poor little fella. naturally i looked fabulus as did nick his dress reall accentuated his muscles.

- chinesse fire drills: we had two cars and at every red light we did chinesse fire drills ebtween them whichwas cool cause it kept everyone excited and made for differing conversation and music.

- bully point and picnic: i’ve never been one to jump off high stuff into water, it allways kind of freaked me out a little, but we stopped at bully point to jump into lake taupo and it wasn’t really high but was still kind of scary which i was cool as i could feel the fear and mould it and get past it. i can see how it’d be really usefull to get alot more comfortable being scared so you can think clearly and get past it, i’ve often heard fear described as the first test on any path. but yea it was really fun and awesome the water was reall warm. adam did some epic big jumps where he had to jump out past another rock before landing in the water, i decieded that it was probally a bit dangerour and i don’t enjoy doing dangerous things, tho it was probally completly fine. after our refreshing swim we had a lovely picnic of bread hummus pasta on the lake side.

- floor sleeping: ariving somewere in auckland at nicks sisters place, with 3 foam matresses between 7 of us i choose a large area of carpet to fall asleep completly starfished taking up as much room as possible.

- bdo: i had a really really great time, there were great bands and great suprises and some great dancin. i’ll do a better break down of events in the next post as it deserves more than a small part of this one. but yea the boots were really usefull.

- more floor sleeping: holy crap was i sore, but that crapet was the best sleep i’v had in ages for some reason despite waking up and rolling over consistantly i awoke feeling really refreshed and ready to take on the day, which started with a pillow fight except we didn’t have any pillows only arms and fists.

- taupo, full: we left on the pretence of finding accomodation in taupo for the night. however the a1gp thingy was going on that weekend in taupo so it happened to be completly full, however i had a plan.

- awesome tent: the plan consisted of two red toyota corrolas which we happened to have, a large tarpolen, some ducktape, and a little bit of alcohol. so we set off to the warehouse to aquire the materials despite sceptism from party members about a validility of followingone of my ideas. unfortunatly apon finding the warehouse we found it closed and all ouir hearts sank and then on leaving the carpark we spotted a tarpolen on the ground, dinz emidiatly ran striaght at it and set about liberating it from its current captivity, sadly some surgery was eventually needy to fully set it free. and we set off to jame’s secret beach front camping spot where we backed up the two cars back to back opened the boots so they where slightly overlapped and secured the tarp over sides of the opened boot doors creating a large room in which we could all fit in getting drunk with our cob of corn… later we realise that it was actually warm outside and that the moon was setting over the lake. the music was cranked up and we formed a new mosh pit around the front of the car warming our selves to trhe point of needing a refreshing swim and then needing an intense mosh. this was epicly awesome and spwaned the name the big day after. and was a main cause in our necks getting intensly sore as it wasn’t actually possible to hardcore head bang in the bdo. sleeping sucked, despite the numbing effect of the alcohol and the tiredness the back of the car was cramped and hard and i can never sleep on my side anyway. totally should have slept on th beach.

- hot springs, we spent ages in the hotspringsthe next morning which was great, we had a compitition to see who could stay in the hot pool with shoulder underwater the longest, adam won then grg then me, was very hot and head intesnse head rush and headache afterwards.

- tired driving: driving sucked the hot springs made us all really tired, i made james drive for about an hour even tho he had a head ache cause i needed to close my eyes, but 3 bottles of v later we made it back. man it feltgood driving into wellington again,

- bbq and home: had a little bbq at luces while we organise all our stuff again before heading home and putting our sweat dreanched clothes that stank out the whole car in the wash. then we had a cup of tea which was the best thing and we all lived happily ever after.

the end (except the next post about the bdo)

*gripes* : little things that made me angry or frustrated at the time. my psychiatrist said i should be more open about things that make me angry and i think it probally a good thing to put them out in the open even tho now i see them as silly and trivial and see it as more of a personal flaw that i let such things get to me and make me angry.

- music apreciation, be polite please. if someone puts on some music that you don’t like don’t tell them that its shit to their face and equally don’t make some snide remark trying to acert ur superiority of taste. have some respect and etiquette and be polite,

- masculinity superiority stuff, you know everyones allways try to do things faster better or harder than each otherand usually i really enjoy this as itsjust fun competitiveness. but sometimes its really not cool. espesscially when guys don’t realise that thats the reason they’r doing things, they think they have a rational reason.

- please don’t ask me to speed again, i’ll dive at a speed i’m comfortable with. its not rational at all its simple derived from the above point.

- oh and that reall anoying thing that girls seem to take delight in doing: when your in the hot spring (usually its not hot springs but the same applies) and everyones nearly ready to go and they get out and with their towels on come and ask if we’r ready to leave. and because guys are stupid we allways get out and get ready to leave, only to realise that they are in the shower shampooing there hair *sigh* and for some reason they do not think its rude to make everyone else wait for 30 mins while they are doing this. do they think that by thus tarting themselves up they are doing us some kind of public service? for which we will take delight in waiting for while we are in server pain from hunger (are they thus so insercure about their natural state to belive that we would take pain from seeing them thus equal to the inconvenience they cause.). this i can hardly belive so thus i must conclude that either they are ignorant or that they take pleasure in making everyone wait for them as it makes them feel somehow superior and important to have the common rabble wait for them in ernest. i mean were at a place for 2:30 hours and 20% of that time was spent waiting to two members of the party, i mean its hardly and efficient or fair system

so yea these are all flaws in my own person for i should not let them effect me thus. …

flat123a

January 14, 2008 - Leave a Response

so aparently none of us reall like our flat. to be honest its not a nice place to live. feels like a rabbit warren. so we’ve decied to find a new one. yay! saw a nice one in roseneath with a deck and stuff and views out to the ocean, would be real mint to have a view again. no one else was really keen on my idea to buy a bit of land and build a shed on it and camp inside the shed. would have been real cool, could have had a camp fire everynight n stuff. but yea will be cool having a new flat again, if its real nice hopfully it’ll inspire me to make a bed and desk for my room, really do need to start doing some furniture stuff.

each day as it comes

January 14, 2008 - Leave a Response

there are events in life that that you know are a turning point and change the course of ur life for ever. it constantly amazes me how often these occur and they seem to be coming at an almost exponentionally greater rate. often these are events that you can control and can choose were you go and often when you make the choice. however they can also be entirely out of your control and this of course is where i am at the moment. i can see it coming towards me, time is advancing and all i can do is brace myself. i’m not scared its nothing i cannot deal with either way, but it makes me uneasy to feel so un-inconrtol of my own destiny. this day was to be tomorow, now however it will be later. but no matter it is the same.

i feel stronger now tho, i have been drained for so long, but evryday now i grow. there r many courses of action imagined, only needing implimentation, and i want to and i will. but now i need to brace myself.

ola

January 6, 2008 - One Response

well this will be my notation on everyday life, don’t expect me to update regulary but maybe it’ll house some kid of catologue of my life as it happens